What Quinn loved best about Aunt Jill's visit.

Getting lots of cuddles:)Being dressed in a new plaid!

Going for walks in the pram.

Meeting Daddy for lunch on a workday.

Enjoying a coffee at the Botanical Gardens.

The passport photo shoot (take 1).
Tummy time after a picnic in the park.

But best of all...is that Mommy got some sister time!!

Thanks for the wonderful visit Aunt Jill, it was so great!

2x2

We are applying for a passport. Here's the photo we are using. I wanted to use the smiley one, but I was concerned they wouldn't accept the smile, flash and shadow, and Mommy's hand in the way. What a cutie. And what a saga trying to get photos that are precisely 2x2 with 1/2 inch above the head and head height between 1 and 1 3/8, etc., etc., etc. Apparently there aren't any shops in Edinburgh who can meet these special US requirements AND photograph infants. So we did it ourselves with an art board a sunny window. We now have a collection of hundreds of facial expressions from our little guy and a few photo art ideas.

Don't Worry Be Happy

Quinn is starting to smile, and it's so much fun to do all that we can to get it to come out. It used to be just when he slept, so we knew it was coming soon. But now, he is giggling in his sleep, so we can't wait for that to come out too.

Sign Language

We are teaching Quinn sign language. This is the sign for "don't interrupt me, I'm meditating."

Impressing the ladies...

Last night Quinn joined me at a friends house for girls night (his first big social event)! It was nice to enjoy some wine, have some girl chat and share stories of motherhood (with many women I had just met). Quinn was quite a hit. He was very social, got passed around the party and here are some of the comments that were made about him... "how gorgeous", "he looks like John", "how lovely", "how alert", "he's going to be tall", one woman wanted to take him home even! I was very proud to call him mine. So it started to get late, and I started to pack him up in his sling...FART! My little man made 'our' exit! Quinn is impressing the ladies already!

"Here I Come to Save the Day!"...

"Mighty Quinn is on His Way!" With rattle in hand, and in his Mighty Mouse
(or Superman)stance, Quinn is ready to take on the world.

Doing what, we don't quite know yet! Quinn's Great Uncle Bob made this beautiful rattle for him. It's weight, smooth texture, and sound are all very pleasing to Quinn. A very special gift that we all love.

This piece is sure to be a part of our family forever.

Ready for the Spa!

Quinn is sure living up to his middle name and loving ending his day with a good soak in the tub! It is also a great family time where the three of us hang out, sing, and enjoy more fun expressions from the little guy. No Manhattans or watching the sunset at this stage, but there are years ahead to look forward to doing that!

Are you lookin at my bum? Bum looker!

Thank you to Musti and Rebecca for the deluxe bath sponge. I think it makes bath time that much better for all of us;)

Q Time

As of today the case is settled (paperwork still to be signed) and I can get back fully to who is most important. I think we all will be feeling the relief of it being over very soon!

Femme Supreme

The Supreme Court decided a case on the issue of pregnancy discrimination yesterday. Interesting timing I would say. I do hope Obama chooses a woman for the court.

Too Much Information

Jenny and I have recently gone into information overload mode. Too many books arriving from Amazon, and not enough time or energy to digest things and talk it through. Consequently, communication and coordination are taking a back seat to the basic tasks of keeping Quinn fed, changed, and content.

But lately we've been feeling the compulsion to really work through some of the basic principles. And it ain't simple, like planning a vacation. It's more like planning sunny day out at the beach -- in Scotland. You just can't make any decisions until the moment of action. Of course, you can just trudge forward and open the picnic basket despite all the mess of rain pouring down, but that doesn't seem to be our kind of approach.

Anyhow, I recently encountered a web site I can really sink my teeth into -- one which has a seriously scientific and evidence-based perspective that I can appreciate, and most importantly, trust. For all you parents out there who might have a similar orientation, http://www.parentingscience.com/index.html.

Quinn, meet Perry Mason

Guess what happened last night at 7pm!? Well, we finally got a message from "their" lawyer suggesting a settlement. Finally! This is one week before the case is scheduled to begin. AND, he wanted a reply by 10 am! Ridiculous. We didn't fall for it. We told him he'd have to hold his horses and not screw with us. We ain't lawyers, but we aren't going to roll over either.

So this morning I drafted this reply. We hope you enjoy it. It represents the kind of bull we've been having to deal with for 6 months now.

Of course, Quinn is sensing all this (and probably consuming a fair dose of adrenaline or something like that), so he's been a fussy crying mess all morning so far. Our fault, so we feel really bad about the whole thing.

Wish us luck on the negotiations, which will go for the next couple days I presume. Hopefully, when Jill arrives on Saturday, it will be for a week of celebration rather than a week-long trial where she has to help me keep Quinn settled while Jenny plays Perry Mason.

XXX, (cc:ed to XXX)

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

I have been in contact with Mr. XXX of ACAS and he has provided me with the information I required concerning the COT3 agreement and the conciliation process. Upon receiving that information, I have made every effort to consider your offer as quickly as possible, and can offer the following in reply.

As you have likely observed, I feel that I have an excellent case against your client. There are a large number of incongruities in the claims that she has made against me, which makes the grounds for her side of the case quite dubious. I have done a lot of research, and despite being unrepresented, I am confident that my views would be looked upon well at a tribunal hearing. I have no doubts that she was in the wrong for dismissing me due to my pregnancy. Still, I understand that both parties (as well as the Employment Tribunal Service, insomuch as they must support a hearing of this kind) might benefit from a negotiated settlement. Such a settlement would still provide me with the compensation I feel I deserve, while affording all the other parties a benefit from avoiding the emotional and financial costs of a trial. I can therefore offer the following as grounds for a settlement which we would be willing to accept.

My first point in response to your offer concerns the hypothetical condition that if I had continued employment I would have been made redundant around the end of January. At this point, I am unwilling to consider this as a plausible reason for a reduction of our claim. The general issue of difficult economic conditions does not seem justified, particularly as such conditions are quite abstract and not related directly to XXX, and as this has never been mentioned in any of our correspondence to date, much of which occurred after January.

The other main point concerns the award for hurt to feelings. As a basis for deciding an appropriate claim, we have used information provided by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (see link below), citing the Vento case which Judge XXX and yourself recommended. According to this source, £XXXX is a median amount for pregnancy-related dismissal, and £XXXX is the average. There is no question in my mind that the injury which this event has caused me is anything but at least average.

In considering the state benefits I have received, I now realize that you are correct on this matter, and understand that we would need to deduct this from the total. In addition, the amount of SMP, which was calculated beginning a week prior to our son's forecast date of birth, though an amount which we are entitled to claim, seems a reasonable place where we would be willing to compromise on similar grounds.

Based on this consideration of the points you made in your offer, and considering the fact that I will have an emotional benefit from not having to proceed to trial, I am willing to make the following offer, which would need to be agreed upon with the assistance of Mr. XXX and a COT3 document.

£XXXX for lost normal wages, plus
£XXXX for hurt to feelings, totalling....
£XXXX

I think that you will find this offer to be very reasonable and grounded on a principled set of grievances. I will await your reply, and hope that you will also try to reply as quickly as possible.

Regards,
Jenny

http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/foradvisers/EocLaw/EocLawSco/GuidesandLegislation/Compensation/Pages/Injurytofeelingsandinjurytohealthcompensationawards.aspx#1092

Heads Up!

It was tummy time on the boppy pillow, and Quinn did a good job holding up his head and looking around.




For a while...

Readers, Digest!

These are the books we have used for reference during our parenting adventure, with very short comments for you to digest. I've starred the ones you may not have heard about and which are particularly interesting to me as a (kind-of but probably just wanna-be) cognitive scientist. Online resources in another post.

• Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy - A great reference that has a high trust factor
  
• The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding - Loaned by Mirjam. An excellent help through a difficult time.
  
• What to Expect the First Year - Am finding it a bit disorganized and lacking in trust factor. Probably wouldn't recommend it.
  
• *How Babies Talk - Totally great read for the scientifically minded but without gruesome details. Very readable and interesting.
  
• Secrets of the Baby Whisperer - I liked it. Seemed to have good basic principles. Still, pretty useless unless your wife also reads it and likes it. ;-)
  
• *Wonder Weeks - (on order) comes very highly recommended by mommy friends Cassie and Mirjam. Follows the cognitive development in the first year and its associations with crankiness and fussiness. I can't wait for that to arrive! Highly relevant and interesting too.
  
• Dr. Sears' Baby Book - (on order) recommended by Brad. Hope it has been as helpful for us as for them.
  

Baby Idiom Semantics

Lots of phrases I've heard time and time again suddenly have new and different meanings to me.

"soft as a baby's bottom" - Never knew what was so special about infant butt cheeks before, but now it makes sense.

"cry baby" - I get it. Babies cry. But not a great phrase, since it implies crying for no good reason. I think Quinn always has a good reason. Should use "wimp" or "wuss".

"baby steps" - I used to think that babies' tiny footsteps are the metaphorical vehicle here, but now I think it's the steps parents have to take when taking care of a baby.

"sleep like a baby" - this makes absolutely no sense anymore

Sleepless in Edinburgh

We've all been rather sleepless here in Edinburgh lately. Here are some pictures of the good kind of sleeplessness we've been having. I'm not usually reaching for the camera when the other kind hits, so you'll have to imagine.

Happy Mother's Day!

As my first Mother's Day I got just what I wanted...a smile (even if it was in his sleep)! John and I took Quinn out in the pram for a walk in the Botanical Gardens where we enjoyed some sunshine, some beautiful flowers in full bloom, and happiness as a family. We ended the evening with a call to both our Moms thanking them for all they have done and continue to do as such strong supporters. This year I have a full understanding and love for what Motherhood is all about...thank you Moms everywhere for all that you do! Happy Mother's Day!

emptynesters

No Quinn is not off to college yet, but the nest is empty of the Grandparents, and Uncle Dave after a month long visit from both sides of the fam. G&G Warren left yesterday for California and we were all sad to say good-bye. Having dinner cooked for us every night, home-made cookies, Grandma Cindy's baby blanket/baby book, and Quinn being serenaded "Chim Chiminey Chim Chiminery Chim Chim cher-eel" by Grandpa Harv while looking out on the Mary Poppins view of Edinburgh are memories we will never forget. Thankfully the nest won't be empty for to long, cause Aunt Jill arrives in just a couple of weeks!

Sleepy and Cheeky

Sleep seems to be the major underlying theme when it comes to taking care of Quinn. I'm sure Jenny has another item topping that list though. Still, the transition to sleep seems to be a very difficult thing for Quinn (and us). Nonetheless, he has no trouble making a ton of cute sleepy faces in the process.

Sleepwalking

It's turning out that the swaddling blanket isn't working as well as it was for getting Quinn to sleep. One very reliable method remains: a walk in the sling. He really enjoys watching the changing surroundings, especially in the evening when there are street lights. But inevitably, sleep always sets in.

and then there was Quinn

This Sunday marks Quinn being 3 weeks old. After three amazing weeks of getting to know my son, I wanted to share a quick take on his birth. It was only three hours of labor and then there was Quinn. It all happened very fast, but I consider myself lucky. I also consider myself very fortunate with who I have gotten to know these first weeks.
On April 12, 2009 Quinn Warren Niekrasz joined our family. Being that it was Easter Sunday I had planned to have the soon to be Grandparents and Uncle David over for brunch. I had made the comment a few days before that if plans are made they are meant to be broken. I had a feeling that this little person would be coming on a day that they so chose. The morning of April 12th I woke up around 5am with some slight cramps, but had experienced a similar feeling the day before and nothing happened...so I tried going back to sleep. At 6:00 I couldn't sleep so I got up and began attempting to replicate Tartines (our favorite S.F. patisserie) morning buns. While grating the orange rind, I looked out onto the view from our kitchen window rubbed my belly and thought to myself "I think today is the day". I had no idea how long or how short this was all going to go. Near 7:00 my water broke and I woke John to say I think someone's coming. We gave each other a big hand squeeze and I said I was going to take a shower and then would call hospital to see what they advised. While showering the contractions began. At 7:47 I asked John to time them...the first one was 5 minutes a part. I called the nurse at the hospital near 8:00 and she asked the important questions and said that since it was my first birth, my water was clear, and since the contractions just began it was up to me when to come in. So I held off. Edinburgh Royal Infirmary is known for sending you home if you are only 2 centimeters. I was not wanting to go to hospital to then be told to go home and wait, so I held out a bit longer. The contractions began to increase and get closer together. All signs that things are moving. John was great in reading me when I couldn't even read myself and said...Let's go! So after grabbing some homemade nourishment from my Mom and Dad and a hug, we were off to see if the hospital would take me. The taxi ride was the longest ride across town I have ever experienced. The taxi driver was so excited for us, but his thoughtfulness of going slow over the cobbles went unappreciated in that moment! I wanted to get there and get there fast.
We arrived at The Royal and were made to wait in the Triage unit for more than a few moments. I was then taken to a room to be checked out before sent upstairs for delivery. The contractions by this time were painful and moving SO quick. With no midwife in sight and the first grunt from me, John went into the hallway and asked for assistance now..." My wife is having contractions 1 minute a part, we need a midwife". A midwife came in and pushed and prodded my belly all while I was having contractions. The Triage midwife had concern that the baby was in the breech position. We both explained that the baby had been in position for weeks. She then said she would have to do an internal exam. Note to ladies in the US: this was the first internal exam I had during my whole pregnancy. A bit different over here. Well, she discovered that baby's head was so far down and that I was at 6 cm. Time to move to the delivery ward. It usually takes an hour to dilate a centimeter, but at the rate I was going I was dilating 3 cm in an hour.
I was wheeled through the hallways with eyes clinched shut and contractions continuing to strengthen. I was in my room where we met Jackie. Jackie was not supposed to be my delivery midwife, but she was there and since I was moving so fast she was to stay with us and deliver who was to be our son. Who knew how truly fortunate we were to be in her hands. Jackie was an amazing part of our birth story. She was right there asking me how I wanted to deliver (positioning, ), if I was wanting pain relief (no time for that...just some gas and air please), and offering words of encouragement.
Soon after meeting Jackie she asked me to tell her when I had the urge to push. I said "okay...I have that". So we found a comfortable (if you can use the word comfortable while giving birth)position on the bed on all fours where I held on for dear life and began to push. She talked me through the ways to push. John was right there helping me focus on my breathing and telling me how good I was doing. I could not have gone through that day or these past few weeks without him.

Close to Quinn's arrival I decided to stop the gas and air and ended up delivering on my left side.
At 10:56am Quinn Warren Niekrasz was born.
Weighing in at 8 lbs. 1 ounce, 20 1/2 inches long, and some hair on his head he made us a very happy bunch. Jackie said he came out like Superman with his hand a bit above his head. We got to know Quinn very quickly with some skin to skin contact and lots of hugs and kisses. Since Quinn came out like Superman I did have to get a bit stitched up. Thank goodness for some local anesthetic and girl chat! At 2:30 (visiting hours) the Grandparents and Uncle Dave showed up to meet the newest family member. The room was filled with love, excitement, and happiness about this little boy. Soon after visiting hours were over Jackie came back to help us give Quinn his first bath. She usually doesn't get to do that part of the aftercare of a newborn, but was very pleased to have the time and get to be with Quinn. By 6:00pm that same day Jackie released us from the hospital with hugs all the way around and we were on our way home. Home is even more special now...

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - born with a weak heart
(So I) guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up + say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - -she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be

Hi yo We drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head Ah ooh


This Must be the Place; lyrics by David Byrne of the Talking Heads
(John and my song. We danced to it at our wedding and it seems very fitting for this experience too.)